Its been a while since I've written in here, but i need to vent. My life has completely come to a point where I feel stuck.; a rut more or less. Everything in my life lately has left me dissapointed and not satisfied. Coming home for thanksgiving has just furthered these feelings. I dont know what is going on, but I feel so distant from my old life (old self). At school I have been feeling this way for quite a while and I wasnt sure what was going on, but home just assured me it was not home sickness I have been feeling. In fact, I have no clue what it is im feeling. This summer fucked me in the aspect that I became accustomed to hanging out and being in the company of adults. Adults who were sure of thier lives and knew what they wanted to "be." I became used of the maturity and the routine. Now, I find myself not wanting to get involved with the silly frat parties and ragers that I loved soooo much last year. I find myself not wanting to go out and have a good time with my old friends. I just find myself feeling very much alone. It's as though I have lost a big part of my youth and nothing has replaced it and im just walking around with an emptiness that I cant figure out how to fill. I miss the summer, I miss being confident. I just dont understand what is it I need to do. I'm stuck and its killing me. I miss having boys in my life. Another aspect this summer fucked me on. I saw what older men can treat girls like, and it made me absolutely disgusted with college boys. Also, i managed to get stuck living with the scum of all scumbag dudes. And everything just feels lost and uncertain. I want to be my happy self. I know im growing up, I know im changing. I can feel myself losing friends, and in a way Im ok with it because theres no going back now. Hopefully this summer I will be living in Boston surrounding myself with new faces... hopefully. I dont think I can successfully live here, or I may go nuts. Well tata for now, hopefully the next entry will be more pleasant.